Let's see... The major reason for not writing since May is... jeez, I forget... Oh, I know - when all else fails, blame ADD. Procrastination fueled by forgetfulness. Yep, that's the ticket.
To my reader(s)... I apologize. I have a lot of folks who like to "read me" because I'm just as much of a train-wreck as they are. Not helping the 'trainwreck' is my health clinic's seeming inability to send my monthly scrip to my pharmacist - Concerta lets me avoid the 'watch paint dry' tendency of Prozac. Not taking Prozac makes me the wicked bitch of the midwest, trust me on this. I love my primary care provider at the clinic, but she's protected by medical troops who do appointment triage to a degree once known only at the Mayo Clinic, I suspect.
So, after eleven years, I'm leaving that clinic to go with the group of clinics associated with the major hospital in my area. My former MD and I had an excellent rapport - she knew I am an intelligent woman well aware of my body and its rhythms. Everything is working excellently in concert with the meds I'm taking ... in other words, if it ain't broke, there's no reason to fix it.
Last week I saw the new clinic's family MD in my area. Not for internal stuff --- I had a toenail that was growing up instead of out, like a souffle' rising in the oven. First thing he wants to do is is take me off Concerta, citing studies that show a potential for heart and pulmonary problems. However, I've been on it for about 8 years with no adverse effects, and a raise in Prozac has put my OCD overeating way into the past, 70 lbs worth. When I don't take the Prozac/Concerta combo in just the mgs that's used now, I gain weight. So, doc... which is worse for my HBP/heart, the drugs that work, or the inevitable morbid obesity that ensues without them. Sigh. It's going to be a tough few months.
While there was a lot of 'do's' in yesterday's post, I left out a few important things.
First, do what 'suits' your body's needs. I have ADD, so I need meds for that. On top of that, I'm prone to 'free-floating anxiety.' I have a savvy doctor who worked with me to find the right balance of Prozac and Concerta so I can become 'normal and average' - in other words, just like most people. A level playing field. Other than that, which would be part of my life anyway, I don't do diet pills of any kind. "Better living thru chemistry" - but make sure it's the right chemistry. Speed may speed you up, but the crash is, I'm told, horrible.
And have little goals. I was lucky enough to have been given a LOT of clothes in descending sizes by a lady who was moving to Florida and wanted to buy a whole new wardrobe. At 'new retail' prices, I got probably a couple of thousand dollars worth of clothes. I did fit into a couple of them right away, fit into still others around the 50 lb mark (now getting too big!), and I have a few waiting for the next 20 lbs. It's fun to try them on now and again to see how close I'm getting to actually wearing them. (I hate snug clothes, so while some technically 'fit', I won't wear them yet.) It's a great 'carrot' to work toward!
Another thing that works for me is avoiding nitrates/nitrites like the plague. They make me puffy; I can tell when I have inadvertently ingested some because my Berks become snug. No, it's not water-weight, I've been taking Lasix for decades, and I seldom salt anything. It's not easy to avoid nitrate/nitrite additives, and some occur naturally, but I can sometimes find hot dogs and sausage that specifically state that the product does not contain them. I never ever get frozen pizza or commercial meat products such as ham...and boy, do I miss it! But I can have fresh pork - it's definitely the additives that torture me.
I drink a LOT of water. Probably over 100 ounces each day. Not that I'm thirsty; if one waits for thirst, that means dehydration. I don't give dehydration a chance. Now, water can be FLAVORED, just not sugared or sweetened with anything caloric. I love unsweetened tea. Crystal lite is great, too. Oh, and when I get a craving for yogurt, I get a big tub of PLAIN (not vanilla, PLAIN) yogurt (some 'plain' has sugar added...watch out for that), put a glob into a glass or cup, and mix a little crystal lite into it. Tastes just like the high-calorie/sugar stuff and it's great for me. One benefit drinking a lot of fluid has - I'm rapidly approaching my seventh decade and I don't have any facial wrinkles. A few crinkles around my eyes from habitual laughing (at myself and others) but no wrinkles. Not that I WON'T, but not now. This is something that one can't start AFTER the little buggers appear, but hydration seems to keep them at bay if you've been a habitual 'fluidizer' all your life. Smokers can't count on that effect, though. You just have to look at pictures of Eunice Kennedy to see what smoking and too much sun does to a face.
Going cold-turkey off coffee and diet soda was, for some reason, very simple for me. I can't point to any particular benefit diet-wise, but it's been very healthy for my budget.
I cook at least one turkey each month. I package a lot of it for the freezer, but I leave a good-sized portion just for whittling. No stuffing, no gravy, just me, a knife, and the turkey. Since I don't do classic breakfast/lunch/dinner, grazing has suited me particularly well. I understand it would be very difficult for a couple or a family to live this way, but it works for me, and as the old saying goes, 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it.'
Well, my kiln is sold... I loved the romance I had with it, but like a high-maintenance SO, it was too expensive to feed. I'm still crocheting, and I still love beads, so I'm on to making the two compatible in ways seldom thought of. (Sorry about the preposition...)
In the weight-loss area, I'VE LOST 75 LBS!! I'm not sure the months-long plateau has broken for good, but I keep on doing what I have been (more about that later). I think the magic moment was when I decided I didn't care if I lost weight or not, but I wanted to hunt down and destroy what was sabotaging my lifelong efforts. I won't go into it, since it bores even me, but I did find what buttons I was knee-jerk-pushing and how to leave them alone. It's a personal quest; everyone has to find their own path. No compass directions here, sorry.
That said, I do have some do's and don'ts... I shop for the month (being single that's easy), and there are certain aisles I just won't go down. No chips/dips or other 'snacks.' I'm still obsessive-compulsive about snacks...it's a 'clean your plate' mentality. If I must have a candy bar (haven't in several years), I know to get one regular bar, not the little pillow-packages of miniatures to put away for when I want one. There will be none left within the hour. So - I leave that aisle alone, and if I still need one when I get to checkout, there's always 'point of purchase' displays of anything I could want.
Popcorn. Couldn't do without it. Those convenience bags of microwave popcorn are killers in more ways than weight. I use my air-popper, and --ready?-- PAM. I get the butter flavored variety and spray it liberally on my air-popped popcorn, and there is more fiber than calories in each huge bowl. Maybe 300 calories in one huge salad-bowl sized 'helping' and if nothing else it feeds my compulsion.
I've only had one 'can't do without it' moment, and that was with pizza. The craving went on for days, and was causing me frustration and anxiety, so I ordered a large veggie thin-crust pizza, had it delivered around noon, and just grazed on it all day. It had light sauce and light cheese and was SO yummy! Lots of crystal-lite later, I was pizza-satiated and months later have not had a craving again. I think it was because I allowed myself to have it, and fit those calories into the day. At any rate, it wasn't going to put the skids on anything, and life went on.
I do that with 'eating out' also, although if I had a car I suspect that "75" wouldn't have happened. Learning to delay gratification is extremely difficult, and it's been tough to learn when to delay and when not to. Since I can't get to restaurants and fast-food joints at will now, I allow myself whatever I want when I go out with friends, which is not all that often. I even allow myself dessert - the last one was a banana-creme cake, and it was yummy. Not feeling guilty about it was crucial; it allowed me to not enter into a eat-in-frustration/guilt loop for a change.
Most important, I eat only what I like. Dieting and martyrdom don't mix. In fact, as you can see from the above, I don't consider myself 'dieting.' Just eating. If I 'need' quantity, I find what I like (for me it's kale) and dig in. I eat a whole bag of salad, maybe two, THEN have a portion of pot roast that I've cooked, portioned out, and frozen. A quick zap in the microwave AFTER I've had my fill of quantity-food... hey, maybe I don't really even want it now...
Plateaus? The pits. I've just come from one that lasted over a month. But since I've adopted the attitudes outlined above, I just learned to be philosophical about it. Where it would have put me into an 'I'm not losing so f***it' mode, I've learned to just keep on living life, one day at a time. Good slogan. Not original.
A very pleasant pastime on the 'net these days seems to be watching a tiny hummingbird tend to the two eggs in her nest. Watching her is like cuddling a compliant kitten...it's hard to stay angry with one's day after a while. She's here.
I'm not particularly a bird-watcher; in fact, I've had negative experiences with more birds than I've enjoyed, such as the woodpecker who seemed to always know what part of the house I was relaxing in, and pounding its little brains out on the wood siding where, inside, my brains happened to be. Usually he was working on a knothole, and when he finally knocked the knothole out, he'd leave for another spot and a common grackle would move in and nest there between the inside and outside wall. Drove me nuts.
Another bird I had problems with was a mockingbird. In fact, the whole neighborhood (Cupertino, CA) had problems with it. It would fly to the top of a utility pole about 5am, and hold a ritual dance there... he'd fly straight up about 4-5 feet, 'saying' something that can only be described as 'doodle-ee-ooo' as loud as any bird could possibly vocalize. This would go on every 10 seconds or so for about two hours, then he would leave for the day. Back he would come, day after day... After a couple of months he suddenly was gone. I know for a fact at least 2 neighborhood BB/pellet guns were trained on him at one time or other... maybe someone got 'lucky.' I seldom wish an animal ill, but that damn bird was a sociopath.
Question (to reply here or just think about): If you could be any celebrity, who would you be, and why?
Me, I would love to be Whoopi Goldberg. We couldn't be more different physically...she's African American, I'm Scots-Irish, she's within 'acceptable' proportions, I'm ... um... not. (...although I did lose 4 more pounds after TWO DAMN MONTHS...(sigh)) But she is so very intelligent, grounded, and wise, I tend to hang on her every word. When she took over the moderator spot on "The View" I immediately went back to watching it after having fled during the 'reign' of Rosie the Ridiculous. I'm going to start watching everything Netflix has to offer in which she appears...she's so much fun even when she's being a bit 'blue' verbally. So who would YOU choose to be?
Went to see an endocrinologist this week - after discussing the idea that a sluggish body might contribute to a sluggish healing process where my leg ulcers (2) are concerned. He didn't think so, but since I had been on thyroid medication 'way back when' he was willing to see if there might be a tenuous link. Me, I was secretly hoping that it might have something to do with my lack of progress diet-wise after 60 pounds worth of losing. 1400 calories a day can be REALLY annoying if there is no weight-loss progress to see. "Plateau" should be a four-letter-word. Anyway, he seemed to be more interested in what my cortisol level might be than in any possible thyroid problem. Cortisol? I thought it was a made-up word the infomercial folks made up to hawk pills. A search of the term on Google gave me a lot of technical terms but not much more understanding of what it is/does/means than I had when I started. I need a "Cortisol for Dummies" book. HELP!
Listen, guys. No, pay ATTENTION!!! You want to help us folks with predisposition to weight gain and make a minta money too? (Now, I'm not talking about those folks with an obesity agenda, who for whatever reason feel the need to gain weight, consciously or subconsciously. )
I'm referring to those of us who have overly efficient bodies that store every little extra calorie in case there is a worldwide famine. Those of us who smile when we see Jessica Simpson with a bit of 'meat on her bones.' Those of us who watch runway models and immediately recognize how the outfit would look on praying mantises. We are there among the folks others deem 'gluttons' and/or mentally ill. We need for you researchers to get on the stick and start recognizing the reason for OUR obesity.
We like taste. Simple as that. We don't need potato chips fried in Olestra. We don't need ugly-tasting fat-free salad dressings. And we certainly don't need the never-ending advice to 'just say no' and 'push yourself away from the table.' Over the centuries society has always used eating as part of a social fabric. (DaVinci didn't paint "The Last Domino Game"... It was the last supper Jesus shared with his Twelve Apostles and disciples prior to ... well, we all know the story.)
Rather than all the diet pill research, all the diet variations and methods of every kind and stripe, why not look to synthetic "faux-food" instead? Find/create a substance with no calories that would pass harmlessly thru the human body (no diarrhea, please) along with more substantial foodstuffs like veggies, fruits, and lean meats and fish. I'd be delighted to stick to a 1200 calorie diet if it meant that I didn't have to stop tasting when I reached that magic intake number. Create synthetic cheesecake and let me have all I want. Make a synthetic steak (uh oh...maybe stick to manufactured goodies - I don't want a national beef council on my back...). Making a synthetic candy bar with no calories but with the taste of popular brands could solve a whole bucket of problems. The manufacturers of the original product could sell the synthetic form right alongside of the 'real' stuff and increase their total sales dramatically.
Jelly Bellys are one of the leading candy products in the U.S., and they are beloved for one essential reason - those folks learned how to copy FLAVOR. If you crave a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, sucking on a one-two combo of JBs of those flavors answers that siren's call for quite a lot of people. I love pina coladas, and damned if the JB people didn't get that taste absolutely perfect - and I didn't have to have a designated driver afterward.
So please, researchers - forget the 'diet aids' and get cracking on making a really great tasting [whatever] which would satisfy our desire for taste and would mimic our favorite foods without the calories. Let those who hide behind their wall of fat for protection go to their therapists, and concentrate on those of us who just love the taste of stuff!
...someone had told me when I was a young woman that saving for a 'rainy day' was not just preparing for emergencies. Silly me, I thought being a single mom of two and working hard would be enough. True, I'd opted for marriage rather than a college education (yeah, like that worked out) because the guy I'd dated all thru my junior and senior year of high school was my One True Love and we were going to be together forever. Well, forever lasted for a little over three years, but I still loved him and just knew he would be concerned for and provide for the 1.5 children we had at the time of our divorce. However, it seems the golden glow of true love tarnished for me when I learned of the .5 child his girlfriend was going to bless him with. Provide? Um... well, he did provide me with the dubious satisfaction of putting him in jail, but with very little else.
Soldiering on, I did manage to keep the three of us out of the 'welfare neighborhoods' by working full-time during the week and doing ironing on weekends. With the help of foodstamps and Medi-Cal my kids grew up healthy, if not wealthy, and as it turned out not all that wise. My daughter has been married a gazillion times and is not all that familiar with the truth, and my son seems to be bitter that he didn't have more of everything growing up and is not what you'd call a caring thoughtful dad. I dunno... nature? nurture? All I know is that I haven't seen either of them for years and am not all that eager to change that state of affairs, although I do wish with all my heart that I had relationships with my grandkids. I'm not about to be a hypocrite, however, and chase after them. At least they will not have a life without the opportunity to know their grandparents, like I did. As the only child of parents without living parents of their own, they will not feel the isolation I always have felt. So I guess the moral of this story is...what...keep one eye on the far future, because as far off as it may seem, it can still circle 'round and kick you in the ass.
What brought all this on? I suppose it was having to ask my landlord to hold my rent check because the simple act of paying shipping and handling on a 'free sample' offer put me, unknowingly, on a recurring charge agreement that tapped my bank account just as the rent was due, and since I live on soc. security only, my careful correographing of my budget went south with the unexpected charge. Perhaps if I had thought more about my own future rather than theirs I'd be in a better place financially now. Please let this be a lesson...if you can, find a way to make a few bucks at home after work to just put away for YOU, in a retirement account. Trust me, old age ain't for the faint of heart.
I'm in orbit about the new 'general manager' of my community. Her CV is astonishing, and besides that, she's a Unitarian minister, which is such a bonus I can't begin to explain how delighted I am.
Ok... to the Oscars. I've only seen one of the movies, but it was the one that counted - The Hurt Locker. Sparse on plot, but sensational on character study/development. I'm due to see Precious (et al) soon, too. Those were the only two I was interested in, but I may 'buy' "Crazy Heart" if only to stare at Jeff Bridges. He's just the vintage and has just the craggy attractiveness I find irrestistible at my advanced years.
Fashion notes and tips: I do dearly wish white women -- particularly VERY white women -- would stop wearing colors like pale pink, pale peach, etc. Someone with nearsightedness is going to see a tall slender post (especially if the wearer is also blonde). My favorite dress? Nichole Richie's, for style, color attentiveness, appropriateness, and just plain wowness. Absolutely classy and classic.
I do think Spring is almost here. I say 'almost' because each year at this time the weather perks up enough (say, 60F) to coax snow-weary homeowners to the nurseries where they buy every colorful flat of flowers in sight. Then... about two weeks later comes the LAST heavy frost of the season and... back to the nursery to replace the limp and frozen-to-death plants they were so enthused about planting earlier.
Again for old-timey readers... I sold the car. I thought it best to do so before it managed to sneak into my house and run over me in my sleep. After all, what more could it do to me? I was brutally honest in my ebay classified ad, and a nice young family man with an intense love of Hondas bought it, knowing that the value of the engine/transmission was more than I was asking for it, and the interior was in excellent condition, too. The only negative to the whole thing was the fact that someone had stolen the new battery I'd put in before it quit running. Please, if anyone has a SmartCar they want to give away, get in touch with me. I'll be happy to take it off your hands.
For instance, I really enjoy watching "The View," mostly because I'm a big Whoopi Goldberg fan. Lately I've been averting my gaze when they all come out to greet the audience, because Sherrie really annoys me. Not her personality, which seems to fit the formula of blended personalities, but her physical looks.
She has a pretty face and a delightful smile, but her over-the-top pride in her own boobs is getting on my last nerve. They are WAY out of proportion to her height, and pretty much any other woman who looks to be about 5'2" with a bra size of (my guess) about 32HH is probably saving her $$s or pleading with her health insurance company for a breast reduction. Sherrie has, instead, opted for wanting a ....ready for it??.... butt enhancement. She will look like the letter S if she does it. Not a pretty mental image, IMO. Healthwise, I give her another 5 or so years before just the weight of them starts to cause physical problems. And considering the density of them, I hate to think what might be lurking within. How easy is it to get accurate mammograms when the tissue is about half-a-foot thick?
It's hard not to think that Sherrie relies on her breasts as the sum total of her image, that without them she would be just another run-of-the-mill African-American TV celebrity. If that's true, that's sad. But I do think she's more than that, and she needs to believe it, too, then go get a breast reduction. A size C or even D would be pretty much perfect for her, in my opinion. As it is, they look like weapons.
Now and again she chats about finding a guy to share her life with. I don't think it's occured to her for even a moment that those breasts might intimidate the kind of man she's looking for. True, there are guys out there who would start baying at the moon at the mere thought of seeing those mountains undraped---but I doubt if that kind of guy is what she's looking for. If it's difficult for women to be around her without gazing at them, think how difficult it must be for the average nice guy to have a conversation with her without focusing, at least in his mind, on trying not to look at them. Sounds like too much work, to me.
Sigh. Yes, it's difficult for me when the cost of eggs goes up, or the utility company sends me a little missive that hints about increased costs of bringing me my gas, lights and water and sorrowfully says they will just have to pass it along to me.
But when someone who's just signed a three-year contract for $8,000,000.00 WITH NO OVERHEAD starts bitching about an extra 23 cents, I just want to go into orbit. These folks can BUY the damn grocery store, supermarket, and/or all its branches and still have money left over for a Mazzerati each year. C'mon, y'all...get a life!!! If you're trying to identify with your audience, fuggetaboudit. It ain't workin.'
The creator of the item that was pictured here asked me to take the photo down, so I have done so. Anyone interested in what this artist is about, please feel free to go here.
I'm watching far too much TV, but since it's part of my medical regimen
BTW, I want to say thank you to all the nice people who read my blog-stuff. Sometimes I'm sure I'd find a lot of agreement among my readers; sometimes I really wonder if I've touched a resonant cord or if folks are just too polite to show their disagreement. Hopefully, readers will let me know either way - unless the message is simply too abusive to share, I'll be happy to 'approve' it for sharing here in the 'comments' section of the page.
have something to do with my hands and attention span. As I mentioned earlier, I've begun to do crocheting, a skill I tucked away about 35 years ago. It was slow, this plumbing the depths for what was a dubious talent to begin with, but I've found I can even learn new techniques...enough to make this 'newsboy' cap. (It's actually a grey-green) I want to sell it, but I want to keep it, too...it represents 'old dog learning new tricks.' Anybody wanna make an offer???